yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
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