Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
