i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
