it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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