i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
