I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
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