no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
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