i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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