I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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