guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
