Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize