keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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