Cold hands, warm shart.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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