So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
