the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
