Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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