Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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