i already hear my dad disowning me
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
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I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
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The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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