Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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