just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
