I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I puked a lego.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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