Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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