Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
