if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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