I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
wow bdsm is so cute
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
