The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
