Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
