youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
