I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
But break dance skills will only take you so far
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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