I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
