Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
areolas are like halos for boobs.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
