Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
