Im at strip club and am horny
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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