i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
