Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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