We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
This is the high leading the old right now
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
