About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
