There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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