I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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