he told me I talked like a deaf person
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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