I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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