You can't motorboat a personality
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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