Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
