Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
There r osticjed everywhere
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'm too high and old for this...
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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