nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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