I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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