I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
