I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
