what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
