A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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