so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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