I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
