Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
