you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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