Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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