I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
He felt like a one man threesome
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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