it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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