Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
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