Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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