i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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