an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
