I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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