I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
smell my finger.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Randomize
