my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
