Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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