I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
They are going to name an STD after you.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
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