so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
