Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
