I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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