when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
